A couple years ago, I cried over a hairband. One I really loved, suddenly broke. Cried my heart out over it. And then stopped and asked myself, why am I crying over a hairband?

Then I realized. It was never just the hairband. It was everything. My whole life sitting in that one small broken thing.

I always took really good care of everything I loved. And at the end, things would still break or get lost. That's just objects. But the people? They either destroyed me or just left me in the cold. Without a second thought about any effort I ever put into them.

It hurts more knowing I rarely let myself love anyone. I don't give that easily. But every single one of them ended up doing the same thing, no guilt, no apology, no acknowledgment that anything even happened. Like I was nothing.

Maybe they never directly questioned my worth. But their acts did it for them. And it leaves this question I can't shake, why can't it be me? Why am I the one who always loves but never gets even a fraction of it back?

God, I sound so pick me right now. I know. But is wanting to be loved and cared for really too much to ask? I didn't even want much. I didn't need grand gestures or constant words. All I ever wanted was someone's presence. Just that. How unlucky do you have to be that people don't just fail to show up, they leave entirely.

I really wanted someone beside me when I wrote this. A shoulder. Nothing else.

I'm tired. Truly tired. And the worst part is having no one who'd actually understand that.

All these people around me and I feel nothing from any of them. The heaviness in my chest just echoes in the emptiness between us. It's not a cry for help. It's just a wish. One that keeps wearing me out the longer it goes unanswered.

I have always tried to be there for people. All kinds of people, during their hardest times mostly. Only to find myself here, feeling abandoned. Discarded. It amazes me every time, how easily people let go of something that once felt deep. They set sudden boundaries and disappear quietly, without once considering the person on the other side. As if there was nothing. As if it meant nothing.

They say they only give what they'd expect back. Okay. Then what about the person who genuinely tried to understand them, see them, feel them, be there for them? Where does that go?

I feel intensely. I love intensely. But I never let it consume anyone. I never chose to leave. Everyone left me instead.

Hope they find whatever happiness they were looking for. Whatever I was apparently blocking.

I don't know if it's even possible. But I really wish someone would care for me the way I care for others.